fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
