Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize
