I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
