So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
