Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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