just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize