i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
