Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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