there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
