Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
its not stalking. its research.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
