dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
