Moan for me like Helen Keller
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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