You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
