one two three fourrrrnication!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
