my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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