I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
