I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
