College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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