Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
