i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
