he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
