I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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