butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
