Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
