Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i've created a new STD.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
