a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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