Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
