Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
