How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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