Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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