you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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