The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
