sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize