Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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