Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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