u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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