This girl is more easily done than said...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
