I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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