I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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