On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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