Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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