im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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