Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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