carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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