having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
