p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
