My Higher Power is John Stamos
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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