i think i have herpe
just one?
Acid is not a monday night drug
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
