Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
