he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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