so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
