the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
