My sheets look like a crime scene.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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