A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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