Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize