If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
