worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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