who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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