Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
