Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
