yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize