You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
