We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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