We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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