Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
