FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize