Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
